I don't like people very much. I am very good at pretending I do though. I have 2 blogs already this one is specifically so I can rant and not be questioned about them.

Rants which are mine that might be selfish or whatnot but seriously I'm sick of being asked if I'm ok every time I make a slightly depressing text post.

Follow me or whatever I really don't care this blog is here for my benefit not yours.

8th February 2013

Post

So fucking tired of this shit …

Can I not just hit rock bottom already so I can start fighting back without falling at the same time. I’m just so scared that I’m still falling because I don’t know where the bottom of my pit of dispare is and I’m depleting my strength reserves at the moment. As it stands I struggle to find a reason to stay here let alone fight. I miss you a great deal, you were one of my main reasons to keep fighting and I am terrified that I’ve lost you. I’m so sorry my dearest, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I don’t know what else to say other than sorry that I was a stupid bitch and an emotional wreck and an idiot and that I’ve probably never done anything as bad as this before but at the moment I’m very impulsive and I’m having difficulty not acting on my impulses. I know that is no excuse but its the only explanation I have. One day when I don’t feel the need to act impulsively and live dangerously maybe I will be safe to be let out around the people I care about but right now I don’t even deserve the time of day from anyone. I screwed up and deserve the consiquences of my actions. I miss you but that pain is my own fault and I will take my punishment until judgement day when maybe I will be ready to behave and not let you down.

Tagged: personalmydearestdepressiondepressedimpulsive behaviourI'm sorryforgive me